Note: For the humor challenged, please eat a celery stalk before reading.
O.K. Students of the culinary arts - it is time to answer a few questions about healthy foods. In today's society there are many varieties of diets. All thevarious diets seem to produce over the long run is many misconceptions. So below is an attempt to put balance back into the discussion of healthy eating.
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it . . .don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That is like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables! So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, which means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made from grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ration is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ration is two to one, etc.
Q: What are the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ... Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around.
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey, 'Round' is a shape!
I sincerely hope this Q & A session has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
Enjoy the day and Many Blessings
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Good stuff, but you should not let Tawni read this. P.S. I can't seem to figure out how to put my identity. So I have to post anonymous. Sorry
ReplyDeleteKari
Haha! Actually a lot of these things are quite true. How many womans' magazines have I read, for instance, that warn against doing sit-ups for that very reason. ;-p
ReplyDeleteThank you. I needed a good laugh!
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