Guns, Snot Rags, and Dishes

I got a call last night from my dear friend Jack Skidmore telling me he would be at my door at 8:00 AM to show me how to clean my rifle we had taken to the shooting range two weeks before. This morning as I was learning to disassemble my rifle, cleaning it, and putting it back together I made the fatal mistake. I asked Jack how often I should clean the gun. His reply brought not a single leap for joy. He said, "Clean it after each time you use it."

This got me to thinking how much we detest cleaning things. For instance, 'snot rags' (aka: handkerchiefs) fit into this category. Clean it after each time you use it. But we (manfolks) got tired of doing this so we invented the disposable tissue (Kleenex). Awe, you can sense the freedom just knowing how easy it is to get a fresh clean tissue.
Another case is dishes. Tired of washing dishes after every use? First, we tried domesticating dogs to lick the dishes clean but the womenfolk thought this was not sanitary enough. From a man's perspective, why else have a dog? And why do you think a dog is referred to as 'man's best friend' if not for his plate licking ability? So we started producing children to serve as dishwashers. This was great and served well until you stopped producing children and they grew up to begin washing their own dishes. So as a stop gap measure we invented automatic dishwashers to relieve us from this task which never seemed to end. This solution is great for those who can afford automatic dishwashers. But for the rest of the folks the simple solution was inventing paper plates. Now we just have to throw them away after each use. But wait, there is still to come one evolutionary step in this advancement of progress. It is the invention of the edible plate. Why throw away something that could be eaten with great delight? (Men, take heed of this precautionary notice. This is a marvelous idea that has an undesirable outcome. If we succumb to edible plates, then the next step downward is edible plates loaded with all the essential vitamins and minerals needed. The last thing we will remember eating is a paper plate as the womenfolk will soon quit cooking altogether!)

So how did I get to this point after starting the morning cleaning a rifle? Easy. (At least with my mind it was easy.) The question before me was, What is it that I can get in the realm of armaments that does not require cleaning after each use? Now you know the thought process of the genius who invented the hand grenade! That is the answer. No one ever has to clean a grenade after its use. You just go on about the other affairs of the day. Yes, I think I will go to Wal-Mart tomorrow morning and order a dozen of them babies from my good friend Don.
Wait, I hear the womenfolk telling us to go fill in the holes! Aaggggh.

Blessings on this beautiful, snowy December 29.